One of the biggest missing pieces from my life in this RV is book storage.

My sister has graciously given me a spot of floor for what of my books I was able to bring with me (I left more than half of my collection to an unknown fate – maybe I will never see them again), but it's not easily accessible, and there's no room for *new books*, of which I have just ordered more. I have already read most of the books I brought, so this will be necessary for my goal of reading regularly again.

I'm finding more ability to read out here without my mom's constant dramas. Less brain fog makes it so when I do read, it's not a huge push just to pick up the book knowing I'll fail to get through a page. I can feel excited about books again, after all those years carting my collection around hoping that someday this would happen.

So it's an interesting dilemma. Can I construct a *little* bit more room in here for more books? Probably. But not to the extent I'd like. Moreover, if I ever have to move this thing, weight is a serious consideration. I think I can carry *almost* 1,000 pounds of stuff that is not the trailer itself. Books will use that up very quickly.

(No, I am not looking to be talked into reading e-books or using the library.)

I've been feeling pretty good most of the time, especially compared to the previous, uhm, well, decade. And I'm nearly caught up on the most urgent post-move tasks.

Pacing works. Not having a toxic emotional vampire in my vicinity works.

I'm feeling some glimmers of being able to finally get my life in order, and my career. There's so much I want to proactively do with my career, not just keeping up with the barest survival income, but the real reason I do what I do, which is to educate and heal. And just generally geek out. But it's been on hold for so long. It's hard to hope again that I can do anything other than the barest minimum.

Anyway, I'm in north Idaho.

I tried to be sekrit, but I suck at it. I want to write letters to the editor and call my reps and talk here about what I'm doing within context, and all that.

I'm a few miles from where the Aryan Nation compound was until about a decade ago when the locals kicked them out. They keep trying to establish new nationalist cults and they all get pushed out.

Speaking of cults, there's a bunch of odd groups up here. Half the businesses are owned by Seventh Day Adventists. There's a lot of Mormon polygamists, two groups of Mennonites that also own businesses (the black caps and the white caps, apparently they are enemies), and other little Bible-based groups, plus the regular Mormons, evangelicals, the Koonentai tribe with its own police department, and off-gridders of unknown (to me) political and religious persuasion.

A major part of the social ecosystem is about balancing the needs of these very different groups. So there's a sense of "your weird religion might not be my weird religion but it's ok" amid the Trump flags, which makes the balance of power maybe a little different than other rural areas.

Now you might see why I've been excited to talk about this and why rural vagaries aren't good enough.

I haven't been this happy or this consistently functional in a decade.

Things are warming up, and for me, that means leaks!

Had leak in the RV last night. I discovered this by plugging in my iPhone and getting a warning that my cable is an unsupported device.

Traced it back to find water in the power strip.

I'm relieved to find my hardware found this suss and prevented electron flow!

It's the slide seal again, on the other side. But there's a roof over it now!! Probably beading along something along the side. Melting snow finds a way.

The leak is just a drip, not a flood, so I'm going to mount the power strip in a different place. Under the seal is a convenient tucked away corner, but way too risky.

All this and I'm still insanely happy to be living here. If a little worried. What new leaks will spring bring?

"I thought there was no life for me that I understood and I felt as if that meant there was no life at all. But I was wrong. There is always a life, there is always a future. As long as one is willing to build it for themselves."

— Max, Black Sails

It's wonderful going into a rest day without being exhausted and in pain. Just a whole day to have fun and relax without desperately trying to recoup for another incoming hell-week.

My instincts about what I needed to heal were spot on. I was just living with a toxic person whose ongoing drama kept me sick.

Sometimes you just gotta take a big scary leap into something new.

Far from mom for a couple months now, months filled with very complicated moving and lifestyle changes that continue, but have slowed somewhat.

I started working regularly again 2-3 weeks ago and am starting to feel in the groove. Now trying to get used the stability and the fact that any emergencies now will be from the environment and reality, not a sickly sweet, narcissistic old woman who manages her personal anxiety by sucking her loved ones into her neverending chaos.

(The environment *is* dicey — strong north wind battering the trailer rn, ngl, and the power flickered a bit ago shutting off the internet. But it's an impersonal threat that isn't getting fed on stealing my joy.)

I woke up realizing that I'm allowed to look forward to working today. That I'm not likely to get interrupted this week. That I have capacity to think beyond today's efforts towards the rest of the project. That I'm at last allowed to enjoy work and don't have to brace for a complete derailment from someone else's pointless drama.

But I'm still in the difficulty trusting stage.

Fresh in my new situation, free from the toxic person but with the world still burning. Yes, there is plenty to do.

But I'm trying hard to get used to the fact that now I *can* take it easy when I'm having a bad health day. I'm prepped to hop up at any moment, feeling the pressure to work through my own to do list while I have the chance. But my body drooping and in pain.

It's hard to trust that I'm not going to get a text with another emergency from someone who doesn't understand what an emergency is or that emergencies are supposed to be rare. I try to tell myself this, and am scared to believe.

Making a whole pot of loose leaf tea without running water feels like the most extravagant thing ever.

So much water!!